Estimated Read Time: 6 minutes

Hi Reader,

​
​

Last month, I published this post on LinkedIn about refusing to soften my language - in my content, my client work, and my personal life. The responses were clear: this hits a nerve for a lot of people.

​
​

So let's go deeper.

---

Over the years, I've noticed a split among my clients.

​
​

Some thrive on direct feedback. I tell them exactly what I'm seeing - no hedging, no "I could be wrong, but..." No, "just a thought." They course-correct immediately, make bold moves, and pursue excellence.

​
​

Others needed me to soften everything. Wrap feedback in reassurance. Hedge my expertise with disclaimers. Over-explain my recommendations to prove I wasn't being harsh, and simply pointing out best practices.

​
​

The ones who can handle directness? They go from good to great. And they do it fast.

​
​

The ones who needed hedging? They stayed comfortable. They missed opportunities. They underleveraged my insights.

​
​

Here's what I realized: I'd been underselling my value with the second group. Softening my expertise to avoid being "too much" or threatening their egos. But in protecting their comfort, I was also protecting their mediocrity.

​
​

So I stopped.

​
​

I stopped softening feedback. I stopped hedging expertise. I stopped apologizing for clarity.

​
​

And something unexpected happened: my business got better.

​
​

The clients I needed to walk on eggshells with? I don't work with them anymore. The clients who value excellence over ease? They’re in my DMs saying things like, "I love how you just say it like it is."

​
​

My ideal clients started reaching out to work together specifically because I don't translate myself down.

---

The Revenue Cost

I need to be clear: The conditioning to be "nice" and "non-threatening" has a revenue cost.

​
​

Not just a personal cost. A business cost.

​
​

When you soften feedback to a team member:​
They don't course-correct. They think things are fine. You end up managing around the problem instead of addressing it. The team notices the gap between what you say and what you tolerate. Your authority erodes.

​
​

When you soften your offer:​
Prospects don't understand the value. They see it as optional, not essential. You end up in "I'll think about it" conversations instead of "let's do this" conversations. You undercharge because you're afraid of seeming expensive. Your pricing doesn't reflect your expertise.

​
​

When you soften your content:​
Your ideal client doesn't recognize themselves in it. They keep scrolling. You blend into the sea of "gentle reminders" and "you might want to consider" posts. Your positioning becomes forgettable. Your authority gets diluted.

​
​

Check out my LinkedIn post for examples of softened vs. direct language.

---

Common Reactions to Directness

Most people use softening language as social lubrication - a signal that says "I'm not a threat." When that layer is absent, some people mistake directness for hostility, even when the content is completely reasonable.

​
​

• They feel called out rather than informed.
• They reframe clarity as harshness.
• They make it about the delivery rather than the content.
• They offer explanations and justifications rather than simply receiving the feedback.

​
​

But here's the thing: The people who react that way? They were never going to be your ideal clients anyway.

​
​

Refusing to soften isn't a risk. It's a filter - attracting aligned clients and repelling the ones who were never a fit.

---

---

A Different Approach: Good Girl Gone Rogue

​Caroline-Lucie Ulbrich is doing fascinating work on this exact topic.
​

Caroline is an independent transformation management expert specializing in high-stakes ventures. She's advised C-suite leaders at Fortune 500 companies, including UBS, Deutsche Bank, Volkswagen AG, and ZeissMED, and has worked with the United Nations and the U.S. Senate Finance Committee. With over two decades of experience leading complex transformations across finance, mobility, MedTech, and the public sector, Caroline translates strategic ambition into executable roadmaps for private equity teams, venture capital firms, and high-growth startups across the UAE, US, and Southeast Asia.
​

She's also the author of the Substack Good Girl Gone Rogue.

Good Girl Gone Rogue explores what happens when you take professional skills designed to maintain power structures - and use them to challenge those structures instead. Through personal stories organized in three acts (The Good Girl, The Awakening, The Rogue Girl), Caroline shares field notes on strategic rule-breaking from Capitol Hill to corporate Germany to the UN. You'll learn how to copy the behaviour of powerful people and adapt it for your purposes, how to use your "good girl image" as strategic cover, and how to navigate (or shake up) environments that weren't designed for you.

If this resonates, I highly recommend subscribing. Caroline's writing is sharp, personal, and unapologetic - exactly the kind of work that emerges when you stop performing palatability.

---

Resources: The Language of Bias

This pattern isn't just personal - it's systemic.
​

I was discussing this topic with Caroline, and she suggested I check out Catalyst's #BiasCorrect campaign, which highlights research demonstrating how women and men with the same talents and skills are described in fundamentally different ways.

Here are some powerful comparisons from their 2021 campaign aligned with International Women's Day.

Catalyst's work shows that the biased language used to describe women in the workplace creates real barriers to advancement. The softening habit doesn't just cost you personally - it's a response to a culture that punishes women for the same behaviours it rewards in men.
​

If you're a woman: Recognizing this pattern helps you interrupt the internal conditioning that tells you to shrink. Your directness isn't the problem. The bias is.
​

If you're a man (or anyone who doesn't face this particular bias): You have a responsibility here, too. When you hear a woman described as "abrasive" for behaviour you'd call assertive in a man, interrupt it. When someone calls her "cold" for the same focus they admire in male leaders, correct it. Silence is complicity.​
​

Understanding unconscious bias isn't just about awareness. It's about action - both in how we show up, and in how we challenge these patterns when we see them.
​

(You can explore more resources on recognizing and addressing gender bias at catalyst.org/insights/featured/bias-stereotypes)

---

👀 Your Reflections

Before we wrap, I want to leave you with some questions Caroline's work inspired - questions worth sitting with:

1. When did you first learn that being direct made you "difficult"? What happened? Who taught you that lesson?
​

2. Think of a recent moment when you softened feedback, hedged your expertise, or over-explained a decision. What were you afraid would happen if you didn't?

3. Who in your life gets your unfiltered truth - and who gets the softened version? What's the difference between those relationships?
​

4. If you could go back to one business conversation where you softened your language, what would you say instead? What do you think would have happened?
​

5. When was the last time you felt completely unapologetic about taking up space in your business? What were you doing? What made that possible?
​

6. What would your business look like if you stopped translating your authority into palatable language?

---

Your team doesn't need your kindness wrapped in vague language.
Your clients don't need reassurance that you're not "too much."
Your content doesn't need to apologize for taking up space.

​
​

We need your clarity. Your authority. Your unfiltered insight.

​
​

If you're looking for support in your business from someone who won't soften the truth to protect your comfort - someone who values your excellence over your ease - reply and tell me what you're working on.

​
​

And if you’d like to join the conversation on LinkedIn, the original post is here.
​

Talk soon,
Moriah

P.S. Looking for like-minded support in your business - someone who can call it like it is? Reply and let me know what you're working on.

P.P.S. Caroline's very first article, The Good Girl Dilemma: What My French Mother Taught Me About Rebellion, Femininity, and Power, serves as the foundation for Good Girl Gone Rogue - field notes on inherited scripts, defiance, and rewriting the rules. It's worth the read.

---

Ways you can work with me

💡 Tired of being the only one who holds the full context? Let's talk about what strategic partnership could look like in your business
👉 Let’s explore together → Book a consultation​

🔁 Run a group program where your clients stay consistent and committed with strategic, compassionate accountability.
👉 Let’s chat about additional support for your group → Start here​

👯 Get focused fast with body doubling, gentle structure, and community - perfect for tackling tasks you've been avoiding.
👉 Vibe High Coworking Club → Request a free guest pass ​​

🎶 Stream Flow State of Mind: Music for Focus + Inspiration, our curated playlists for deep work, creativity, and grounded energy.
👉 Tune in now → Listen on SoundCloud​

📈 Copper CRM has the entire customer journey in one place - use its intuitive interface and connect with clients with ease.
👉 Explore Copper → Trial Copper here*
​
💌 Build deeper relationships with Kit - connect with emails just like this.
👉 Explore Kit → Check out Kit here*

📝 Transcribe and summarize your conversations with Fireflies.AI - the #1 AI Notetaker for your Meetings.
👉 Explore Fireflies → Check out Fireflies here*

*Full disclosure - I’m paid a small amount if my referrals subscribe via my affiliate links.